Pick a Nose/Transcript
opens panning up a green apartment building revealing a multicolored water tower esque home. This is the [[Fanlair], the home of Fanboy and Chum Chum. Inside, Fanboy and Chum Chum are lounging in bed, snoring. Their alarm clocks strike 7:00] Fanboy's alarm: WHAT TIME IS IT?!? Chum Chum's alarm: It's 7:00, and today is... awake with a start Fanboy and Chum Chum: CLASS PICTURE DAY! YEAH! alarm clocks play energetic techno music and bounce to the beat as F&C get ready for their photo. They take a shower, Chum Chum tries a hairstyle that looks like Ace Ventura, and Fanboy flattens out his mask. Later... Fanboy: models What do you think, chum chum? Do I look as gorgeous as I feel? Chum Chum: You look fierce! How about me? to model on a stool, but falls over Ooph! Fanboy: Hmm. I like the mask; I like the cape -- very understated -- but something's missing. Chum Chum: What? tell me what's missing. Fanboy: It's your...NOSE! takes Chum Chum's nose off his face Ha-ha! Got your nose! around Got your nose! Got your nose! Chum Chum: chases Fanboy Give it back! laughs Give it back! Fanboy: I would, but -- off his own nose and replaces it with Chum Chum's I'M WEARING IT! Look at me, I'm you. Chum Chum: puts on Fanboy's nose Oh, yeah? Look at me, I'm you. Fanboy: Yeah, but I'm you looking at you being me. Chum Chum: And I'm you, looking at you looking at me being you looking at you. laugh for several seconds, then... Fanboy: Wait a minute! Something's happening up my brain. Wheels are turning, thoughts collecting. Am I getting an idea? No. Wait, yes! Chum Chum You know what we should do? We should totally wear these noses for Class Picture Day! It'll be awesome! Think about it. shows a vision of F&C walking in the school wearing each other's noses. Chuggy, Cher and Nancy are flattered Fanboy: voiceover I'll be wearing your nose, and you'll be wearing my nose -- people's heads will explode! spectators' heads do so. End of vision Chum Chum: Oh. You're bad! Fanboy: Chum chum, we are gonna rule the school. switches to the classroom. Fanboy and Chum Chum slam the door open and pose Fanboy and Chum Chum: TA-DA! one seems to pay attention as the clock ticks in the background Fanboy: Hmm, hey, Francine. Nose-tice anything different about me? giggle Francine: You're even weirder than yesterday? Chum Chum: Close, but...nose cigar! giggle, Francine's eye twitches go to their desks Fanboy: I tell ya, this sure is my nose! I am definitely not wearing someone else's, for comedic effect. pause Hey! look at my snout! Yo I'm like a little piggy. I play in the mud. laughs Chum Chum: irritated Hey, are you saying my nose looks like a pig's? Fanboy: Not at all. That's why you got to sell it with a noise. snorts See the difference? Comedy gold. rimshot Chum Chum: You're not being nice to my nose, I think I'll take it back now. Fanboy: I would give you your nose back, Chum Chum, but we agreed to swap for Class Picture Day. And that means all day. Lunch and recess included. Chum Chum: I want my nose back! Fanboy: But we had a deal! Chum Chum: GIVE! ME! BACK! MY! NOOOOSE! gets so angry, Fanboy's nose blasts off his face, bounces off the blackboard, hits the fan, and lands back on his face Fanboy: Chum Chum, that...was...amazing! Can you do it again? Chum Chum: I'll try. again, he gets angry enough. The nose flies off and blasts through Hank's coffee cup Hank: at the leak in the cup Jumping Joe! nose bounces off the blackboard and lands in the fish tank. The goldfish eats the nose, spits it out of the tank, and the nose lands on one of the lights on the ceiling, making sparks fall down on Chum Chum as the nose falls back into place Fanboy: Wow! Let's see what I can do with your nose! concentrates as hard as he could, then snorts. Camera zooms out to show Fanboy's body dangling in green snot Kids: Gross!/Ew! away Fanboy: Uh, your nose snotted on me. Bleh! Chum Chum: Hey! You got my cold! Fanboy: You have a cold? Chum Chum: Not anymore. sneezes montage of Chum Chum enjoying Fanboy's nose begins gang goes to see Chum Chum perform a magic show on the playground. Chum Chum pulls multicolored scarves out of Fanboy's nose. The kids laugh while Fanboy stares, Chum Chum's nose dangling in snot Chum is playing ping pong with Yo. Chum Chum takes off Fanboy's nose, using it as a ball, and serves it. While Yo uses her own paddle, Chum Chum uses his own face as his paddle. Between them, Fanboy is watching the nose-ball go back and forth, and his eyes follow of their own accord Chum presses the left nostril activating the nose's drill mode. He wanders all over a block of marble making smoke, when it goes away, a muscular statue of Chum Chum is revealed. Fanboy is watching this and sulks is strolling when he sees Chum Chum coming down, using the nose as a jetpack. He gives him a paper bag Chum Chum: I got you the nasal spray, but they were out of cough drops. Fanboy: Change? Chum snots out three gold coins into Fanboy's hand and flies into the sun Chum Chum: Hey, I can see our house from here! ends the cafeteria... Chum Chum: a tray on his nose Wow! What a day. down, at Fanboy Why didn't you tell me your nose was so awesome? Fanboy: nasal I did't know. Chum Chum: Excuse me? out to show Fanboy worse than usual. His eyes bloodshot, his skin green, he has a towel on his shoulders and a humidifier is steaming on him Fanboy: sniff I did’t doh! away humidifier, then removes towel Bleh. You know, Chub Chub, I was thinking. in a booger Maybe you were right. Maybe we should switch back noses before the class picture. No reason why; snorts I'm just saying. Chum Chum: I wish I could, but remember, we had a deal. some icing onto his brownie Fanboy: Uh, I don't remember any deal. Chum Chum: Oh, yeah, there was a deal. a cherry onto the brownie Fanboy: Hmm, I don't think so. Chum Chum: Maybe this will refresh your memory. Chum presses the right nostril. A recording of Fanboy from earlier is heard Fanboy recording: We agreed to swap for Class Picture Day. And that means all day. Lunch and recess included. Fanboy: the camera That doesn't sound like me. Chum Chum: Does this look like you? Chum presses the left nostril, and a hologram of himself and Fanboy appears Fanboy hologram: We agreed to swap for Class Picture Day. And that means all day. Lunch and recess included. Fanboy: away the hologram All right, all right! Keep my nose! Chum Chum: I was going to. Fanboy: so thrilled Good. great! I don't even care. Cause um...uh, your nose is...uh, nose off way better anyway. nose back on Way! Chum Chum: a yo-yo with his nose Really? How so? Fanboy: Well, I'm much better at playing the violin. violin out of tune with nose, making its strings snap Chum Chum: Well, I'm glad we're both happy. Fanboy: Me too. brain pops out Ugh. groans Chum Chum: out a tissue Tissue? Fanboy: tissue, nasal Thank you. nose in the classroom, Chum Chum is playing "What Child Is This" on a flute with his nose, while Yo, Nancy and Cher listen. Fanboy's voice on the P.A. interuppts Fanboy on P.A.: Attention, Attention. Would student Chum Chum please report to the nurse's office? Student Chum Chum, please report to the nurse's office. And bring your nose. pause That is all. static Chum is confused Chum goes to the nurse's office and sees Fanboy disguised as a nurse Chum Chum: Um, you wanted to see Chum Chum? Fanboy: old woman's voice Oh, hello, dearie. Did you bring your nose? Chum Chum: Uh-huh. Why? Fanboy: I am...the school nurse. throat As I'm sure you're aware, there's been an outbreak of nose lice. Chum Chum: gasps NOSE LICE?!? Fanboy: Oh, yes. Chum sits on the operating table Well, the only way to be sure your nose isn't crawling with lice is to send it out to have it professionally picked. some tongs ready Chum Chum: Okay? You're the nurse. eyes and tilts head upward a little Fanboy: I'm the nurse. snaps the tongs and guides them up to his own nose on Chum Chum's face. Just as he was about to grab it, he sneezes, making his face mask hang down in green snot blobs Chum Chum: gasps Fanboy! You've been the school nurse all these years, just so you could steal my nose?!? Fanboy: It's my nose, and I want it back! at him, but fails and crashes into a counter Chum snorts out a flute and lands on one end of the room, forming a battle pose and spinning the flute high on his left arm. Fanboy stands on the other end of the room and forms his own battle pose and the two stare each other down close-up of Chum Chum. Camera zooms in a little and the screen goes to black bars, cutting off the upper and lower parts of the screen leaving only his eyes visable. The scene does the same with Fanboy. Scene returns to normal as Fanboy charges Fanboy: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! on Chum Chum's flute Ah! wall You give me back my nose, you nose-lifter! Chum Chum: Not a chance! Fanboy: I didn't want to do this, but you leave me nose choice. both giggle Chum Chum: Nose. Fanboy: Yeah, nose. mean Fine. you want to use my nose? Then I'm gonna use yours! snickers Chum Chum: Where are you going?!? the hallway... Fanboy: Lupe! Hola. How's it going? looking good. Can I borrow your gym bag? Lupe: It's a stinky. Fanboy: gym bag Perfect. He-he. then puts head in gym bag Chum Chum: retches Gross! I can smell that! Fanboy: Had enough, Chum Chum? Chum Chum: offscreen Hi, Mr. Mufflin! Fanboy: his head out of the gym bag Mr. Mufflin? zooms to Fanboy's eyes Fanboy: Oh no. Chum Chum: I see your hands are full, but could you scratch my nose? Hank: Sure. Anything for my students, I guess. Fanboy: Not with his foot. Not with his foot. Not with his foot. rubs his stinky bare foot in Chum Chum's face Chum Chum: Mm, mm, mm. Fanboy: Ugh! my nostrils are burning! Chum Chum: Oh, yeah, baby. Fanboy: Ahem. Chum Chum: Oh, no. What are you doing? Fanboy: puts head in toilet Ooh, corn! Chum gags, face turning green as the toilet flushes Fanboy: Did you want to use this? Chum Chum: farts into trash can Fanboy: Now, you ready to switch back? Chum takes off his nose Ah, that's more like it. a pause, Chum Chum puts his nose on his butt and rubs it against it. Fanboy gags, Chum Chum even farts on the nose Chum Chum: He who dealt it did not smelt it. nose back on Fanboy: groaning Gross. Fanboy and Chum Chum: Chuggy stinky Chris Chuggy! Hmm. go over to Chuggy Fanboy: Ah, nice and ripe. Huh, Chris? deeply Chum Chum: screams Fanboy: Take that! Chum Chum: Oh, yeah? Take this! Chuggy Fanboy: Ahh! yuck! constantly sniff Chuggy until he is clean and he passed his stink down to them Chris Chuggy: off Wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa. Fanboy: Ready to give up now? Chum Chum: Never! Fanboy: Then you're gonna smell what Fanboy's cookin'! into the cafeteria Chum Chum: The cafeteria? in after Fanboy Please don't let it be liver taco day! Chum finds Fanboy in the kitchen Fanboy: I didn't wanna do this. But if you won't give me my nose back, you'll never see yours alive again. off his nose and starts to dip it in a vat Chum Chum: My nose! Don't hurt my nose! Don't hurt my little piggy nose. Mrs. Cram: Pig nose? the nose What, did I miss one? the nose, throws it into the vat, then leaves Fanboy and Chum Chum: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Chum Chum: My nose! My nose! My nose! Fanboy: over Chum Chum, it's okay. It's not your nose! it's not your nose! Chum Chum: wimpers Wha--what? Fanboy:'''I would never do anything to hurt your real nose, buddy. You're my best friend. '''Chum Chum: Yeah, but -- takes out a ring box and opens it to reveal Chum Chum's real nose Fanboy: Here's your real nose. Chum Chum: Fanboy! You've made me the happiest boy alive. he says this, he takes off Fanboy's nose and puts his own nose back Chum Chum: Here. the other nose to Fanboy, whose eyes begin to twinkle and water Fanboy: Don't cry! back his own nose You're gonna make me cry! chuckle Voice over P.A.: Attention students. Attention students. Please report for class picture. Fanboy: Ready to go, buddy? Chum Chum: You nose it! start to laugh, then stop Chum Chum: Why did that seem so funny before? Fanboy: Beats me, friend. Beats me. Chum Chum toward him is a flash of light and a shutter clicks. We see a still image of F&C posing. Pull out to show that this is the class picture. F&C are posing happily, but Hank and the other students are reacting -- holding noses, gagging, etc. because F&C smell so horrible. F&C come into view and admire the picture Chum Chum: It's our best picture yet. Fanboy: Yeah. And what a lucky break they went with scratch 'n' sniff pictures this year. scratches the picture, releasing stink. Both cough, when the stink goes away, the boys' skulls are visable Fanboy: You always think it's gonna smell good, and it never does. coughs Chum Chum: Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. Category:Transcripts